Loading...Let us love one another, for love is of God, and God is love.
“Owe no one anything, except to love one another.” Paul says to the Romans. He goes on to say, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.”
Our motto, at St. James’, is Loving People. (Period.) Serving People. (Period.)
Loving one another, at a very high level, seems easy. We describe it in our Baptismal Covenant when we answer the questions about justice and dignity. We, deep down, believe in the power of love—that love can prevail over all else.
But the reality is that down here on earth, in the trenches of our humanity, love can be hard to express. Or maybe it isn’t so much that love is hard to express. I mean, most of us walking on this earth, no matter our belief systems, believe that everyone deserves to be treated like we want to be treated. That Golden Rule is a part of nearly every religious or non-religious sect.
The thing is…we can believe that this is the ultimate example of what loving people and serving people looks like. But sometimes, it is really, really, difficult to LIKE someone. Most often that’s because someone exhibits a behavior or says something that we don’t like.
There is not one of us who hasn’t made someone else mad because of something we said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do. And each one of us has been mad because something someone did or did not do or said or did not say.
We are imperfect. We make mistakes. We hurt others with words or actions.
Some people might consider those human traits as sins. Mistakes or faux pas that hurt others.
And sometimes, we don’t realize that we’ve caused someone else pain or rubbed them the wrong way or said something hurtful or demeaning to them. At least not until someone makes us aware of it.
Sometimes people are hurt because they don’t know the whole story. They might be missing a key point that would clarify why someone is behaving a certain way or has an attitude that makes us squirm. Sometimes, we simply see things in different ways. Often, we don’t know what we don’t know.
Last weekend, when we were in Minnesota, Jeff and I had a bit of a tiff over something that was, truly, not important. We both were frustrated about the exchange, not understanding why this was even a “thing.” We walked away from it, the air hanging thick around us.
On the drive home, I expressed that I could not understand why Jeff looked to be so angry about a piece of porcelain made by the Nippon China Company. (See, it wasn’t even important!) So, we spent the next miles on the highway talking the whole incident through:
I had picked up a tiny dish during dinner with my parents, turned it over and made a comment that this was a piece of Nippon China. It was just a comment that held no significance to me. Jeff responded that Nippon was in Japan, not China. I said it is China, the porcelain, not China the country, and tried to show him the marking on the bottom of this tiny dish.
He was adamant that Nippon is in Japan, not China, and I did not understand why he was saying that. Of course, Nippon is in Japan, I thought. This dish was porcelain, also known as China. What did Japan have to do with it?
He didn’t understand me, either.
When we talked about the incident the next day, he told me about the cruelty of the Japanese toward the Chinese during World War Two. He talked about what that cruelty looked like, using vivid, ugly, brutal words of war that I will not repeat here.
He was saying that Japan was trying to take over China, to obliterate their existence.
All I could say to him, after he told me a bit of the historical context, was that I had no idea about that history. I had not spent time reading books about that war as he had. I was totally ignorant about this time in history. I thanked him for sharing it, but I was still a bit confused.
He then made a small comment that changed everything. He thought the marking on the bottom of the dish said Nippon, China. He thought that Nippon, which is the Japanese word for Japan, was identifying themselves as China. The country. That they were bold to make the statement that they were one and the same.
I told him that the only marking on the bottom of the dish was the word Nippon. The word China was not there. That I had identified this dish as China, the porcelain, not China the country.
His response was that if he had known that, we would not have had our little disagreement. And he was right.
I’m sharing this exchange because I think it is emblematic of so many disagreements—not just Jeff’s and mine, but of those any of us might have or know about between friends, acquaintances, government officials, and families.
We often think we know more than we do, or we place our own life experiences into the story, when, the truth is, we do not know what we do not know, and our life experiences, our education, our knowledge are not universal.
I don’t think I’m too bold when I say that when any of us argue, debate, or are simply mad at someone, we might choose to complain or talk to someone we trust about what happened who will support our opinion or validate our feelings. Going to someone else instead of talking directly with the person who we might blame for making us upset is called triangulation.
We might not want to go to that person for fear having a confrontation or even a conversation. I mean, who wants to talk with someone we have decided has “sinned” against us. It’s hard. It’s vulnerable. So, we avoid that person, or might even run away, cutting off any opportunity to reconcile. We shun or give others the cold shoulder because of a misunderstanding, or because we didn’t like their tone of voice or body language, or there was a lack of clear communication.
It happens, doesn’t it?
Jesus is attempting to teach us how to express ourselves when we are feeling hurt or harmed by another person. This is a part of scripture that can guide us, train us, toward reconciliation, it is our playbook on how to find a way to live in relationship, in community, in healthy, loving ways.
There is deep value in this teaching. Jesus wants us to acknowledge to one another that we don’t always get things right. When we are hurting, we need to talk to the person who we feel harmed us, directly, opening a line of communication that can resolve the issue.
It’s hard, scary, and vulnerable to tell someone that they’ve caused harm. But it is necessary to keep people in relationship with one another, especially for the benefit of the community.
Of course, (I get it) going directly to the person who we feel has harmed us can feel risky. If it feels too uncomfortable, the next best thing to do is to ask someone to go along as a witness to the discussion.
If you are the one someone comes to vent their emotions about another person, it’s okay to offer to go with them to support and witness the conversation. It’s okay if both parties have a person they trust to be present. This gives both parties a chance to tell their truth, and it might lead to understanding one another better, and to healing and reconciliation.
Reconciliation or restoration of the relationship might take longer than a single conversation, but it must start somewhere. It is hard to let go of pain or disagreement, grief or anger, if we don’t at least try to talk to one another.
The pain we bind, or hang on to, can continue to fester within us, potentially causing irreparable harm for our own bodies and minds, as well as our relationships and even the communities in which we live and have our being.
But, Jesus says, when we can “loose,” or release, our pain through finding ways to reconcile, to forgive, to live with one another, we are freeing ourselves to be a part of a healthier life and community.
And Paul, in his letter to the Romans reminds us that when we live in love, with loving intent and behavior, we are putting on Christ. We are the hands and feet of Jesus; we are living as best we can in his image.
Paul is trying to remind the Jesus Followers in Rome, and today, that when we focus our attention on Jesus, we are less likely to fall into bad behavior or act in harmful ways.
Loving one another requires us to take risks. Risks to know one another, to be honest, to recognize pain, grief, discomfort in ourselves and in others. To get outside of ourselves and see that there is likely more to the story than our own narrative.
Loving others requires us to look outside of ourselves, to ask questions, to wonder, and be amazed by the people we encounter, trusting that we do not know what we don’t know about their lives, their experiences, or even what might be affecting their behavior in that moment in time.
That last bit made me think of this:
It might seem easier to give a little grace to those people we encounter in a few seconds on any given day than it might be with someone we have known for a lot of seconds, minutes, hours, days, or years.
Or it might be easier to be frustrated with or to lash out at someone we don’t know when we are having a bad day or complex moment ourselves. Sometimes we need to look in the mirror at our own reflection and have a little conversation about our own behavior or attitude.
Loving one another also requires us to listen, to adjust our own attitudes and behaviors when we mess up.
Loving one another means being real and authentic with one another, understanding that we all have “stuff” we deal with, that we don’t always know the same things, or we might not be able to communicate clearly. Our lives are complex. We can feel awkward sometimes, put together in other times. We are messy and complicated. And we want to believe that we can be loved by others even when we behave in ways that are not very loving or kind.
And that’s probably the point. We need to love one another even when it’s hard. We need to ask for what we need from the person who can help to provide it. We need to say when we are hurt and when we are thankful to the people who need to hear it. And we need to trust that we will be heard and responded to in ways that are life-giving.
Let us pray: Dear God, the motto here at St. James’ is Loving People. (period) Serving People. (period.) And Paul wrote: “Owe no one anything, except to love one another; … Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.” Please, Lord of our hearts, let us love one another, for love is of God, and God is love. Amen.
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