Loading...When I was in high school and college, I would never pray out loud, unscripted in front of anyone. I was afraid that my words would come out wrong or that I’d forget something or someone. I didn’t want that spotlight on me, but at the same time I wanted to be able to pray out loud in front of others.
It may have been a little bit about ego. So many of the people I admired were able to just talk to God with their quick insertions of “Thank you, Jesus,” and “Praise God,” and a sense of fearlessness to pray for others.
I felt tongue-tied and embarrassed, so my prayers remained silent, or quietly whispered, or, if I was bold, I would offer a name or two, or even bolder, a request or need, during the intercessions.
Over time, and I mean years, I slowly became more confident and gave extemporaneous prayer a chance. Of course, there were times I would ramble or forget something I wanted to say. I had to learn to let go of doing prayer in a “right” way and learn that when I talk with God, or Jesus, or the Holy Spirit, the words do not always matter. What matters is that I pray, and that when I come to prayer, I come with honesty and integrity.
Of course, there are times when I need help finding a prayer. I might not be able to think straight, or I want the formality and comfort of a familiar prayer. Especially in those moments, I appreciate the breadth of the Book of Common Prayer. In it we find a great variety of prayers that can help us when we can’t find the words for circumstances and events. If ever you are at a loss of what words you need to pray, you just might find something in the Book of Common Prayer that will help.
Many people have specific times of day and postures for the ways they pray. We may think there must be a “proper” way to talk with God that includes thanksgiving, petition, and praise. We see examples of these types of prayers in so many of the Psalms.
It feels that we focus on thanksgiving, petitions and praise and sometimes forget that there are times when we can really speak our minds and hearts to God. The Psalms also show us that it is okay to argue and be angry with God. Creation weeps when there’s been a natural disaster. We cry when we learn of yet another school shooting. We ache when someone we love has gotten sick, or there isn’t enough money for food, medicine, lodging, and utilities. We struggle to solve the problems of the world around us: the wars, the poverty, the pain is immense.
Wrestling with God, arguing with Jesus, shaking our fists at the Holy Spirit are all part of being faithful stewards of these lives we’ve been given. We NEED to be authentic with God and share, using all kinds of emotions especially when we think Jesus isn’t paying attention.
Kind of like the Syrophoenician woman from today’s Gospel. It seems like Jesus wasn’t really paying attention to her. She was pestering him when he needed food, a bath, and a nap, and little alone time. We’ve all been there. Our humanity sometimes gets in the way of being present with the people right in front of us. Sometimes we really do just need a Snickers or a blankie and a pillow.
Jesus was so cranky that day. Maybe because he wasn’t in Israel, and he was nervous about being away from familiar places and faces. It could have been because he was in an area where past government officials harmed the Jews. Perhaps he didn’t know who he could trust.
Or maybe it was because a woman just walked into the house where he was staying, without the required male chaperone, and he didn’t have anyone with him to observe this encounter. What would people say about this broken tradition?
Those all seem like very human responses from God’s son, and that feels a bit uncomfortable. Of course, Jesus was fully God AND fully human. Shouldn’t we expect there to be stories of him being more human than God?
It’s interesting that this is the only story in all of the Gospels, and it’s told in both Mark and Matthew, where Jesus tells an individual he won’t help them. It’s one of the only places Jesus comes across as what I might identify as cruel to someone in need. And this makes me squirm a bit. I don’t really like to see this human side of Jesus. It’s just a little too close to my own fragile human behaviors.
I want Jesus to be perfect and a good model of how to behave. I don’t want him to model unbecoming behaviors.
And yet, that’s what it seems like he does here. He belittles this woman who has taken a huge risk and come to him to ask him to free her daughter of the demon within her. She bows down to him and begs.
But because she is a Gentile who comes from this place where history is fraught with horrible stories of harm against the Israelites, Jesus hesitates to help her and reminds her not so gently, that if he helps her before he helps a fellow Jew, it is a waste of his miracles. She and her daughter didn’t deserve even the dregs of his healing power.
Oh. My.
This woman wouldn’t allow herself to be spoken to like this. She is bold, resourceful, creative, faithful, insistent, tenacious, and daring when she talks back to Jesus and tells him, unashamedly, that he is wrong. She reminds him that every person deserves dignity, respect," and kindness because every person is created and loved by God. Well, she may not have used those words specifically, but she let Jesus know that she and her daughter MATTER.
And Jesus changed his mind. He did not go with her, he did not meet the little girl, but because the woman reminded him of why he was placed on this earth, he remotely healed her daughter.
I believe that God wants us to bring our authentic selves, our aching needs, our frustrations, anger and raw fear into our prayers along with our praise, thanksgivings, and petitions. Our tears can be of pain or joy when we go to God in prayer.
The Syrophoenician woman teaches us that it is okay to be genuine with Jesus, to express our vulnerabilities, to yell at and talk back to God. There are times when that’s exactly what is needed, not necessarily to get our way, or to change an unchangeable outcome, but for God to hear us to truly express what we need.
I know that there are times when I am so lost and confused that I need to rail at God to understand what I need to do next. I’m thankful when in these moments I can learn about myself, about what I may need to change to help solve a problem or overcome a complicated situation. It’s like talking it out to a therapist—I just need to get the words and emotions out of my body so I can be open to finding the next steps.
God is a good listener. When we are honest and forthcoming, willing to express the depth of ourselves, letting go of the emotions that burden us to the One who will hear our hollering and tears and love us anyway, we are so much more able to listen for and hear God’s response.
I’m much more comfortable praying out loud without a script now. I do believe that it became easier for me once I let go of my fear of being watched or judged for the words I would speak. Because my prayers are to God: asking and thanking, praising and arguing, begging and offering to the One who hears and answers.
Amen.
