Loading...This morning I want to exploit, in the best sense of that word, the two celebrity suicides that were reported this week (Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain). I do so in conjunction with a recent report from the Center for Disease Control that suicide rates have risen 30% in the past 9 years in the United States (June 7, 2018).
And because it is my point of reference for all thoughtfulness I begin in Genesis with the story of the first suicide in scripture.
Genesis 2:15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to till it and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You may freely eat of every tree of the garden; 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die.”
3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God say, ‘You shall not eat from any tree in the garden’?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.’” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die; 5 for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God,[a] knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves.
Adam and Eve died to not knowing. They squashed in the brains of obedience with the blunt end of freedom.
We can’t uneat the fruit they swallowed. And we don’t need Genesis to tell us that we know all too well we are naked and we know how to hide from God. But Genesis states it succinctly.
And Genesis bravely goes on from the story of suicide to murder in chapter 4 when the first baby kills the second baby.
Suicide and murder is the world into which Jesus willingly and lovingly comes as one of us. Jesus experiences the dance between human appetites and human freedom. He is fully capable of both joy that comes with life and of the despair that comes with death. And of the isolation that can make one of those feelings feel so much bigger than the other. During his passion and death at Calvary he suffered dark misery, pain and loss.
Calvary is how I know Jesus was there for me when I couldn’t feel he was there at all. I want to tell you about a time I spent in the dark well where souls go to die.
In October of 2010 I suffered a miscarriage. And I got into bed. For three months. While the physical healing took an inordinate amount of time, it was the numbness I remember most. I wouldn’t say I had gone out of my mind. In fact I think I was stuck in it. I lost all sense of my senses. Eating, sleeping, breathing, I could sense none of those experiences. My body lay in the dark room. My soul lay in a dark well, alone.
I have to hand to Claire Klein, a friend who came over and insisted we go to the movie theater to see a movie. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and I appreciated her efforts even though inside I felt like an empty shell.
After three solitary still months at the bottom a tiny part of me made a tiny decision. One white knuckle at a time I would climb. One inch at a time. Up and out. I knew that the climb out was going to hurt but I prefered to feel the pain than remain in Numbville.
In January I peeled myself out from under the covers and drove to Best Buy. I knew they had an exercise video that was also a computer game. It was a start. I remember quietly sobbing my way through the checkout line. I didn’t want to buy it. Or use it. I didn’t want to feel. But I knew the alternative. I promised myself I would watch the video every other day. And there were days I just watched it without even exercising.
I once heard a dancer say, “Motion creates emotion”. And that proved true for me. With a little motion I felt moved to store my emotions into my scrapbook along with the story of all that had happened that October. And slowly, inch by inch, the sunrise on my skin began to feel warm again. I said farewell to the well. Now the well hasn’t gone away, but I know where it is. And I know what it takes to get back in and that it is possible to get out.
In our gospel today, Jesus’ family thinks he has gone out of his mind when he lets the crowds prevent him from eating dinner. The scribes think he has an unclean spirit because he can cast out demons.
Wherever Jesus goes emotions move people. Jesus connects with people and connects people to one another. He can do that because he shares our space, our time, and our human face. God uses the death Jesus dies to fulfill God’s plan and purposes and God will do the same for the life we live and the death we die.
There is some buzz in the media about the way farewells are made.
The Washington Post published a farewell letter from journalist and physician Charles Krauthammer after he is given a terminal diagnosis: I leave this life with no regrets. It was a wonderful life - full and complete with the great loves and great endeavors that make it worth living. I am sad to leave, but I leave with the knowledge that I lived the life that I intended.
June 8, 2018
Did Adam and Eve live the life God intended? Did God inflict the capital punishment upon them God intended? Adam and Eve hear the sound of God walking in the evening breeze and there they let God find them in their hiding. God expels them from the garden but never lets go the hold God has on them. They are in a well. God provides the way out. That way is love. And that love looks like listening.
Listening love is the answer my friend Ashley expresses her experience of the dark well when she says: People who experience dark or painful emotions don't need you to fix us. We need to be heard. We need to be held.... that is what helps.….you can also pray for me... it is an act of love. Ashley Hoven, friend, facebook post, June 9, 2018
In addition to praying I am offering a fireside chat of sorts next Sunday at 9:15 in Gleason Hall. The topic is mental health and it’s for anyone seeking to be heard.
For sure it is not therapy though it may prove therapeutic. My hope is that we can cultivate a conversation within this community that may be a blessing to those outside our community where those who grieve hiding in the dark can do so freely and those who’ve walked the path of grief can shine a light on that path. In the meantime, pray for one another. Amen.
